When Work Isn't Working | On busyness, boundaries and how we judge other people's commitment at work.
I've noticed something interesting about the way people respond to colleagues who have particularly strong boundaries around work. Someone finishes at five, doesn't answer emails at weekends or has a bit of white space in their diary, and it can really get under other people's skin.
You hear comments like, "Must be nice to have that much time in your diary" or "I don't know how they manage to switch off at five." Sometimes it's more direct, with questions about whether someone is pulling their weight or really committed to the team.
Of course, there are situations where those concerns are justified. But what about the times when someone is doing their job perfectly well, just not in the way other people think they should?
When did being busy become a measure of our value?
I think many of us have spent years being conditioned to believe that being busy means we're doing a good job. A packed diary, working late, responding to emails at all hours and constantly juggling competing priorities can all become evidence of how hard we're working and how much we care.
And when that's how we measure our own contribution, it's very easy to start measuring everyone else's in the same way.
There's also an element of competitiveness around busyness in some workplaces. People almost seem to be comparing how much they've got on, how late they've been working or how little time they've had to themselves. Being overwhelmed becomes something of a badge of honour, even when everyone is complaining about it.
If that's the culture you're operating in, someone who doesn't participate can look like they're not trying hard enough, regardless of the quality of their work.
What if it's actually about us?
This is the part I find particularly interesting, because I wonder how often our irritation with someone else's boundaries has more to do with our own relationship with work than anything they're doing.
Perhaps you've spent years believing that being good at your job means always being available. Maybe you're the person everyone relies on because you always say yes, find a way to fit things in and rarely push back. You might even take some pride in being that person.
Then someone else comes along who is quite comfortable saying they don't have capacity, protecting time to think or switching off at the end of the day. They don't seem to experience the same guilt about it that you do.
I wonder whether, sometimes, what we're feeling is a bit of jealousy. Not necessarily of the person themselves, but of the freedom they seem to have to make different choices.
Because if you've convinced yourself that working late, being constantly available and putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own is simply what being committed looks like, it's quite confronting to see someone succeeding without doing those things.
Rather than questioning why we feel unable to set the same boundaries, it can be easier to decide that the other person isn't working hard enough.
When you're leading other people, this matters
Our personal beliefs about work can quietly turn into expectations of everyone else, particularly when we're responsible for a team.
You might genuinely believe in work-life balance, but still feel disappointed when someone doesn't respond to an evening email. You might say you want people to think more strategically, but then question why they have unallocated time in their diary. Or you might encourage people to manage their workload while consistently praising the person who goes above and beyond, regardless of the personal cost.
Often we're simply repeating the behaviours and expectations we've learned throughout our careers, without really questioning them.
But people notice what gets rewarded and what gets judged. If constant availability is seen as commitment, others will feel pressure to behave the same way. And if someone with healthy boundaries gets labelled as difficult or not a team player, it sends a pretty clear message about what the culture actually values.
There's a bigger question here about whether we're creating workplaces where people can do their best work, or workplaces where everyone feels they need to demonstrate how hard they're working.
Those aren't necessarily the same thing.
Boundaries still come with responsibilities
Having strong boundaries doesn't automatically make someone a great employee, any more than working long hours makes someone a bad one.
Sometimes people genuinely aren't delivering what they've agreed to, or work is being distributed unfairly because someone else isn't contributing. Those are legitimate issues that need addressing.
But there's a difference between someone not meeting their responsibilities and someone simply choosing to work differently from you.
If the work is getting done, the quality is good and the person is contributing what they should, does it really matter that their diary looks different from yours?
Getting curious about our own reactions
One of the things I often come back to in coaching is the value of getting curious about our reactions to other people, particularly when someone seems to trigger a disproportionately strong response.
The next time you find yourself irritated by a colleague's boundaries, it might be worth asking yourself whether there's a genuine performance issue or whether you're making assumptions based on how they work. Are you expecting them to make the same sacrifices you've made? And what do you believe would happen if you started protecting your own time in the same way?
I think that last question is especially revealing.
Maybe you're worried people will think you're not committed. Maybe you feel uncomfortable when you're not visibly busy. Or perhaps you've become so used to being the person who always goes above and beyond that you're not entirely sure who you'd be if you stopped.
Of course, not everyone has the same freedom to set boundaries. Workloads, job security, seniority and organisational culture all play a part. Sometimes the problem isn't an individual's inability to say no, but an environment that makes saying no feel impossible.
Still, there's something useful in noticing when our judgement of someone else might be pointing towards something we're struggling with ourselves.
Sometimes the person whose boundaries irritate us isn't doing anything wrong. They might simply be demonstrating a different way of working, one that we haven't quite given ourselves permission to try.
And perhaps that's worth getting curious about.
When Work Isn't Working is my newsletter about the human side of working life. The relationships, behaviours and unspoken expectations that shape our experience of work, and what we might do differently.
Carly Ferguson
Leadership & Career Coach
